


A New Dawn

by MetalArmMagnets



Category: Trainspotting (Movies)
Genre: A what if scenario where Dawn (The baby) doesn't die, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, The Trainspotting gang have to look after a baby, Written in the style of Irvine Welsh, a lot of swearing, but her mother does, you know the drill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-19 19:01:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10646073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MetalArmMagnets/pseuds/MetalArmMagnets
Summary: Choose life. Choose watching your child's maw die of an overdose. Choose tae take responsibility and raise yer child. Choose late nights, early mornings, baby food, toys, blankets. Choose tae give up skag and get a job. Choose tae live in a flat wi yer best mate and yer kid, getting by and trying not be a fuck up like yer own da, like aw yer mate's da's. Choose Life.





	1. Death In The Family

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter is in third person to get the story going. The rest will be in first person.

– Wit the fuck, Simon was dragged intae consciousness as somethin disturbed his skag fuelled sleep. Rollin offae his mattress, Sick Boy stumbled intae the main shootin room just as the sound registered in his junk wreck’d heid.

Someone wis screamin.

Simon felt panic start tae build in his chest as he nashed towar’s the door o wee Dawn’s room. He moved straight to the cot, finding the kid awake an cryin. He let out a gaspin breath o relief, reachin down tae run a shakin finger down the tear streak’d cheek.

It was only then that he looked up to see what had made the wee one greet. Lookin o’er, he saw that Alison was lyin on the floor. Deid. Her eyes were aw glassy and her mouth was full ae gunky, frothy shite mixed w bits o sick. It was splattered around her lips tae and had even spilt ontae the carpet by her head. 

Some ae the other’s had drifted o’er tae see wit the deal wis. They aw stood gawkin a the door, naebody moved fir wit seemed like hours.

The silence wis broken by Dawn, who wis still greetin, an it wis in that moment Sick Boy, Simon, realised that she would ne’er be comforted by her ma again. He looked inta the cot and wi shakin hands, he lifted her out and bounced her gently on his chest, lookin at Alison’s body as he shushed the bairn.

– Wit we gonna dae, Simon spoke but it felt like he was hearin his voice through Renton’s shitty TV, tinny and weak. Naebody answered. I wasnae suprised, they were aw still off their heids, but I wisnae happy abou it. –A said, wit are we gonna dae? Simon repeated, a wee bit louder, nae shoutin like, he didnae wan tae disturb the wee one as she’d finally stopped greetin and was now hiccuping a little intae his shoulder. – Renton? He was nearly pleadin, and couldnae bring hisel tae care, he just needed someone tae say somethin.

– I dunno Si, I cannae fuckin think, I need a fuckin hit.

– Renton ya cunt, There’s a fuckin bairn wi no maw and you’re thinkin about scorin? Where’s that fuckin moral fibre you’re always on about?

– I dunno Si! Ali’s fuckin deid an I don’t fuckin know wit tae dae abou it!

– Awright boys listen up, here he comes, Mother Superior tae save the fuckin day. – We’ll call the medics in fae Western and say we couldnae save her, they cannae dae shite tae us for accidental death. Then, they can take the bairn and we’ll get oot aw this clean as the wee one’s rosy arse.

– And let her be taken by the fuckin government and stuck intae care w aw those fuckin arseholes? Like fuck she will, Sick Boy was as surprised his ragin as the other junkies in the room. The most surprisin thing was that he meant every word. 

– Wit choice dae we have Si? A get she’s yer kid an aw but dae ya really fuckin think ye can just raise a fuckin kid Simon? Renton, aways tae fuckin smart fir his own good. – We don’t even know if the bairn is healthy fir fucks sake, The kid could be dyin and we wouldnae ken fir weeks. Simon stared at him wi hollowed eyes, a thousand thoughts battlin fir dominance in his drug spiked heid.

– Awright, Simon spoke, but it was barely a whisper, it was obvious fir anyone that kent him that he wasnae happy, and eveythin was far from bein fuckin awright. –We’ll dae it. But am gonna get wee Dawn back, you watch me. Am gonna get fuckin clean and get her back. You fuckin watch me. Tears had started tae make their way down Sick Boy’s cheek, an he clutched the wee yin close tae his chest.

– Swanney, get the rest o the gear and tell the rest o them tae get tae, I’ll call the ambulance, tell em she OD’d or somethin. Simon stared wi glassy eyes as Renton took charge fir what seemed like the first time since they became mates.

The others grabbed their shite and did as they were told, gettin tae fuck knows where. Until it was just Renton, Sick Boy, Wee Dawn and her deid maw, all gathered about as the sirens wailed closer tae the property recently vacated by a bunch of junkies and their Mother Superior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give any feedback you may have and I promise to try and keep some semblance of a post schedule. Thank you for reading!


	2. Getting Clean (The Sick Boy Method)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choose gettin awfae drugs. Choose legal battles. Choose redecoratin yer flat wi the help aw yer mates. Choose tae get yer daughter back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon PoV

Gettin awfae the drugs wis pish easy, ah did that every other month fir fun. Gettin the kid, ma kid, back fae social services wis like crawlin though the ten circles ae fuckin hell.

First there wis a week aw interviews and background checks. Being asked tae bring in proof ay identity, residency, work. I’d had tae go back tae ma ma’s tae pick up ma birth certificate and aw the other shite they asked for. It wis awkward when she made me tae explain why ah needed it, she cried but telt me that she was proud ah what ah wis doin. Ah wis just happy the rest o ma family were out fir the day, I wasnae in the mood tae deal wi aw their shite.

They also looked into ma criminal records; none. Ah always wis a lucky fuck when it came tae the law. If it had been Renton or even Spud sittin there wee Dawn woulda been aff tae some fuckin foster home befir they could even try and explain theirsels.

Whilst aw this paper shite was goin on, ah managed tae convince ma mates that I wasnae fuckin around, and that ah was gonna dae ma absolute best tae get wee Dawn. So they eventually agreed tae help me make the flat suitable for a wee yin, Renton only agreein after a day aw me beggin. Cunt.

So when the social service pricks turned up at mah block of flats, ah could tell they were ready tae write me off. Cause of this, I wis ecstatic when I saw their jaws fuckin hit the floor at my newly decorated flat. Rents and the boys had come through, newly painted walls (it was amazin how many o our parents had white paint daen nuthin in the back o a cupboard), a bunch o furniture (either nicked or found in skips around Leith) and a bunch o baby stuff like toys n blankets (again, parents keep the weirdest shite in their attics). It looked, fir the first time, like an actual habitable flat.

And so after just o’er a month, I was given full custody o wee baby Dawn. 

– Well shite. It had just hit me, after ahd been given the bairn and ah was left alone in ma flat wi her, I had nae clue of how tae raise a kid.

Ah sat down on ma newly acquired sofa and looked down at ma daughter. – Wit are we gonna do now then? Gurgling, wee Dawn reached a hand towards ma face an swatted at ma nose, face lightin up wi laughter. A knew, in that moment, I would dae anythin tae keep tha smile on her face. Ah held her tae ma chest as she started chewin on ma shirt collar, eyes droopin sleepily. Ah smiled and held her as she fell asleep.

It wasnae til Mark arrived, an hour later, that ah realised I’d fallen asleep an aw. Well, I didnae wake up when he got in, but the fuckin flash from one aw the disposable cameras the cunt had picked up certainly did the trick.

– Wit the fuck Renton? I managed tae keep ma voice low, so as not tae disturb the wee one drooling away on ma shirt.

– Ah, don't make a scene Si, I found one goin for the cheap an ah thought it might be nice tae be able tae show the wee yin how much she had ye wrapped around her pinkie when she was small, the cunt was fuckin grinnin, ear tae fuckin ear. I'd ha strangled him if Wee Dawn hadn't chosen that moment tae hiccup hersel in tae awakeness.

Ah stood up and bounced her gently around before she could start greetin. Tae show aff ma multitaskin abilities, ah flipped Renton off whilst a did it, and as ah wandered around cooin at the bairn for the next ten minutes, we kept up our silent battle aw flipping each other aff.

After a while, ah noticed the wee yin gettin restless, so ah snapped at Rents and pointed tae the cupboard we graciously called a kitchen. Thankfully the cunt understood me, and he came out a few minutes later wi a bottle a milk.

– Yer welcome, Renton smiled down a the kid who was now happily slurpin away at the bottle, I couldnae help but feel a little proud aw ma daughter.

– Aye, thanks Rents.

– Ah wis talkin tae the bairn, Renton grinned a me, ah woulda hit him if it wasnae fir the fact ah was holdin, and feedin, wee Dawn.

– Cunt.

– Not in front of the wee yin! Rents covered the bairn’s ears, as though she cared wit the fuck we were on about in the first place.

– Get tae Rent Boy, fir once the fucker did as he wis told, though he still had the stupid grin awn his face. Ah heard the camera click again but ah jist sighed and glared ah the cunt and vowed tae get him back, later, when the bairn wis sleepin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to post on Sundays and Wednesdays to get two chapters out a week, there should be 8 chapters total but I may throw in a bonus if I get around to it. Thanks for reading! Feedback and general comments always welcome.


	3. Parent Dilemmas No. 63

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choose gettin a job. Choose lettin yer mates take a crack at raisin yer daughter. Choose yer favourite. Choose Life.

Rents set us up wi some cushy job at an estate agents. Ah couldnae really complain. Turns out it was a job where ma natural charms came in useful. The thing wis that I wasnae happy tae leave ma kid in the hands of the psychos a call ma mates. I'd be awright leavin her wi Rents, he’s ma best mate and he kent wit needed done, but he wis out here workin wi me. I jist wasnae sure if ma mates would start shootin up when they were supposed tae be lookin after the wee yin.

Luckily, Begbie was happy to police whoever wis lookin after wee Dawn. Well, he wis happy tae make sure they wernae takin any shite. According tae Tommy and Spud, who were usually the ones we called tae look after the bairn, Begbie liked tae go on long speeches about how it was aw because aw his influence that we were comin aff the junk. Like fuck.

I wis good at the job, but it was borin as fuck. It didnae help that ah worried about the wee yin every time ah left her tae go tae work. But a job is a job, and ah made some serious cash from it. Rents an I started tae build a pretty decent amount a money, most goin taewards keepin the wee yin comfy in her new pad.

The only problem in our grand scheme, wis tryin tae work out how tae parent the bairn. We both had plenty av experience on how not tae raise a kid (thanks da) so we tried tae avoid anythin that reminded us aw our fathers. We fed her, talked at her, kept her warm an happy. I dinnae think I’d seen her this happy fir so long. Her maw loved the bairn but skag doesnae really lend iself tae carin fir a wee yin.

So we did our best, an aw our mates helped like. Fir some reason I couldnae understand wis that she really loved Spud. When we’d aw gather in our tiny flat she’d aways head straight fir the almost-ex-junkie (He couldnae cut everythin out, he wis an addict after all). Spud seemed tae love the attention, sittin her in his lap an tellin her aw sorts ae stories, he always wis a decent storyteller.

Tommy wis her second favourite. He would toss her aboot like a fuckin fitbaw, we didnae stop him cause she seemed tae love bein thrown in the air. One time she wasnae feelin great and spewed on Tommy’s shoulder. Ah quickly took the bairn back offa him and calmed her down, still smilin as Tommy looked a his newly stain’d shirt wi disgust.

Her third favourite wis Begbie, she would only go tae him if the others wernae available tae give her their full attention.

_ – Jus like her da then _

_ – Shut it Renton _

An so he’d sit her in his lap and rant on about wit cunt he’d done in the day or which cunt had a new reason tae be afraid ae Franco. We, Rents an I, would always keep an eye on her when it wis Begbie entertainin wee Dawn. We both knew he wis prone tae outbursts an we didnae want the bairn caught up in any aw that shite.

When any o the birds were round, they were aw grouped around, cooin over the wee yin that it wis impossible tae say which, if any, she liked best.

When aw wis said an done, nae matter which of the lads she started wi, she’d always end up back in Rents or ma lap. Ye see, I reckon she likes us (me) the most, but a bit o variety in her social group wis wit she went fir when we had the boys round.

We’d always end up shooin one or more people outta our flat by the end o the night, before puttin the bairn tae sleep. Despite the worryin, an the stress of it aw, I felt we were dain a pretty bang up job bringin up ma daughter. No bad fir a bunch aw Edinburgh Junkies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! I'm so close to finishing this and I'm looking forward to posting the full story. Comments mean everything and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	4. Finding the Right Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choose yer first words wisely.

It wis a Tuesday when it happened. The wee yin had started tae make sounds which were almost words, so, obviously everyin we’d ever met decided that they wanted tae visit at the same time. Ah had tae squeeze mysel through family an the cunts we graciously called mates tae get anywhere in ma own flat. 

– Thank fuck, ah finally managed tae squeeze masel intae the just-bigger-than-a-closet kitchen which wis thankfully, almost empty.

– Ah must be dreamin, Simon Williamson tryin tae get awae fae the attention? Of course it would be Renton sittin on the only empty counter.

– Shut it ya cunt, Renton laughed a bit and ah smiled back at him. – Yer parents keep tryin tae ask me if we’ll come fae dinner one night, why the fuck dae they care anyway?

– Ah dunno, Rents shrugged, useless fucker.

– Ah well, it’s gettin close tae the wee yin’s bedtime, want tae help me kick out aw the wastes aw space?

– Yer leavin an aw?

– Shut it Rent Boy. Ah dragged him intae a headlock and messed wi his hair (he’d finally decided the shaved look was gettin old) an fir a moment it wis like we were ten again, fightin over nuthin, wi nae responsibilities tae weigh us down. He shoved me intae the wall beside the doorframe and held ma hands above ma heid. We were grinnin like psychos, catchin our breath.

Ah wis suddenly aware aw how close we were, thought about how if ah tilted ma heid slightly and moved an inch closer, our lips would be touchin. Ah realised ma body had decided tae move on without ma heid’s permission, forcin me tae take drastic measures. Ah recoiled so violently, that ah whacked ma heid offae the wall behind me.

– Ah ye fuck! Renton, the sweet bastard looked concerned but backed off tae give me some space.

– Are ye alright Si?

– Yeah, jist hit ma heid that’s aw. Ah wis resolutely ignorin the reason why ah did it, instead choosin tae slap a smile oan ma face an shove Mark towards the door tae the main room. 

When we emerged, ah noticed Tommy grinnin our way, ah looked at Renton an noticed his hair wis a mess, reachin up ah could feel mine wis in a similar state. Ah did ma best tae flatten it down as we started makin our way round.

By half eight we’d managed tae remove aw but Spud, since he’d been entertainin the wee yin whilst Rents an I herded the onlookers outta our house. He wis pointin at hisel, sayin – Spud, before pointin at the bairn an sayin – Wee Dawn.

– Ye ken her full name isnae Wee Dawn, Ah sat down next tae Spud on the sofa as Rents started tae clean up the flat.

– Aye, ah know that catboy, but she’s always gonnae be wee Dawn tae me likesay. He smiled down at the kid, who wis tryin tae swat at the stupit yellaw glasses he’d taken tae wearin.  _ Aye, you an me both Dawn. _

Eventually Rents stopped busyin hisel wi the cleanin and sat in the armchair next tae us. We’d been bletherin on fir a few minutes when it happened.

– Spud!

We aw looked straight tae the bairn, who wis starin up at the man in question, pointin a pudgy finger intae his face.

– Spud!

–You’ve got tae be fuckin kiddin me! Ah wanted tae strangle Daniel Murphy in that moment. Cause of course her first word wouldnae be somethin cute like ‘Da’ or ‘Si’ or even fuckin ‘Rents’, it would be fuckin ‘Spud’.

– Did yous here that! Spud, predictably, wis over the fuckin moon wi excitement, ah found mysel glarin at the cunt, willin him tae burst intae flames. Ah snatched ma daughter back fae the bastard an held her close tae ma chest, still glarin. Ah heard the click of that fuckin camera go an a turned the full force a ma glare ontae Renton, who wis creasin hisel wi laughter.

Before ah could place Dawn down in a safe place and launch mysel at the fucker, Dawn decided tae pipe up again, this time pointin straight at me.

– Spud?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading!! I do have a tumblr if anyone wants to rant about these Edinburgh junkies with me: [Magnvs-Baen](http://magnvs-baen.tumblr.com)  
> Comments are always appreciated :)


	5. Growing Up (And Out)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choose tae keep yer dignity (or not)

Ah spent the next two weeks in a bad mood. The wee yin hadnae said a single recognisable word except Spud fir two weeks. Ah had banned Spud fae seein her, a ban which lasted a grand total of two days before ah caved tae the pleadin looks aw the bairn. Everythin the wee yin could see wis now called ‘Spud’, she would point at wit she wanted an chant Spud until we got the message. Ah wis glad ah let Murphy back in, cause watchin his confusion at his name bein called every five seconds, and as a result follwin a crawlin one year old around our tiny flat, wis well worth any annoyance ah had wi him.

Of course, Renton found the whole thing fuckin hilarious. Ah wis almost constantly threatenin tae smash either his face or the camera he seemed tae constantly be carryin these days. He’d cashed his paychecks an saved up tae buy a proper film yin, instead aw the disposable yins he’d been buyin. I didnae smash either, mainly cause ah didnae care half as much as ah said ah did, and cause I didnae want tae get too close tae his face again.

One night, Rents an I were once again attempting tae get wee Dawn tae take her first steps. We’d tried a couple o times before, to no success. This time, ah wis determined.

– Okay girlie, you’re gonna walk tae yer da now. Rents held her up, pointin her at mysel. It wis only a couple aw feet between us, but tae the wee yin, it must of seemed like miles. Rents pushed her forward, and, as we watched wi baited breath, she managed tae toddle along fir a few brief steps. Ah caught her as she started tae tip, an pulled her intae ma arms.

– Look at you! You did it! Ma wee Dawn, ah could feel ma eyes start tae get watery but ah tried tae hold it back. Ah man’s got tae have some dignity.

– Da?

That wis the moment ah gave up on any pretense aw dignity. I properly started tae bawl ma eyes out, huggin ma wee yin close tae ma chest and grinnin down at her. Ah must of looked like a proper psycho.

Distantly ah heard the camera click again, but fir once, ah couldnae care less.

– Dada? Dawn looked up at me an waved at ma tear streaked cheeks.

– Yeah wee yin, it’s yer da here, it’s yer dada. Ah looked over at Mark, an ma pride wis glad tae note that he wis cryin an aw.

– Da? Ah looked down at the bairn an ah now realised she wis now pointin at Renton.

– Naw baby, am naw yer da, Rent’s moved closer an kissed the wee yin’s head.

– Da. Dawn pointed a chubby finger at Mark before turnin tae look at me again, – dada.

Ah couldnae stop cryin, ah felt stupid, but when Mark wrapped his arms around the two of us, an rested his forehead against mine, ah couldnae find it in mysel tae complain one bit about our current situation.

An that wis the wee yin’s decision. We decided that since we lived taegither, and Dawn wis tae wee tae understand the concept ay roommates, we’d let her call us witever she pleased.

After her first successful steps, she seemed determined tae walk everywhere. After a lotta tears, bruised knees an a lotta practice, she managed tae successfully walk fae the kitchen tae her cot. That wis when we realised our flat wis gettin far tae small fir two men an a quickly growin bairn.

Luckily, it wis easy tae find somewhere that fit our needs, we were estate agents after aw. We managed tae find a decent apartment down Howe Street, two bedroom, a livin room an a kitchen aw fae a rent which we could actually afford. Anyway, one bedroom between Mark an I wouldnae be much of a hardship, in fact it wis an upgrade fae the sofa and mattress we’d been alternatin between fir the past few months.

Mark had his room back in his family home, but we’d both decided raisin a kid wasnae a job fir one man, even if it wis the magnificent me. So we decided that livin taegither wis the best option.

So a month later, we managed tae sell our flat and get everythin packaged up an ready tae go. Callin in aw our mates an even some ae our families, we moved intae our new, roomier, apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! The next few chapters will hopefully be published on time, however my writing has been on pause due to impending exams. I'll keep you guys updated and I just want to thank everyone who leaves a comment, it keeps me writing more :D


	6. Housewarming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choose moving house. Choose the help aw yer mates. Choose talkin about yer feelings fir once.

The actual movin went pretty smoothly. Ah mean ah jist stood back wi Dawn and ordered everyin around, usin ma daughter as an excuse as tae why ah couldnae help them move aw the furniture up the three flights ae stairs.

Soon, the new apartment wis lookin like a proper home, if ye ignored the empty movin boxes piled beside the door. Everyin who hid helped us wis sittin around chattin, restin before the evenin commute.

– Sick Boy! Ah looked over an saw Tommy an Spud wavin me over, they seemed tae be talkin wi a sheepish lookin Renton.

– Awright boys, wit is it? Ah wis tryin tae work out wit wis causin Rents tae look so fuckin constipated when Tommy piped up.

– We were askin Rents here if yous were gonna be makin use aw that new bed tonight. He had a wicked grin on his face an it took a few seconds fir me tae understand wit he wis gettin at. The apartment had come wi a king sized bed in the main bedroom, an we hadnae bothered tae replace it yet.

– Whit the fuck are yous on about, ah knew exactly whit they were on about, an ah had been pishin mysel about it aw damn day. Ah hadnae had the time tae properly consider whit could only be described as a nightmare situation. It had become clear tae me over the past few weeks that ah had a crush oan Mark fuckin Renton, an it wis becomin a rapidly escalatin problem, tae the point it could barely qualify as a crush an wis borderin oan ‘infatuation’.

– Ah well if yer both denyin that ye ken whit am oan about it’s not worth me wastin ma breath. Tommy wis grinnin like we were all in oan some big joke, ah couldnae look Rents in the eye. – Ye know, am more surprised that you two are actually agreein oan shite nowadays, seems lookin after the bairn has mellowed yous out.

– Get tae ya cunt, ah tried tae look annoyed but ah was shitein mysel about why aw ma mates, an am pretty sure both aw oor parents, seemed tae think Rents an I were shaggin. Worse, ah reckoned they might even have the fuckin gall tae assume we were  _ only _ shaggin each other. Not tae mention the fact ah wis pishin mysel that Mark wis awmost definitely gonna ask me about it an ah had nae clue how I’d react, knowin me ah wis gonna fuck it up. Ah never could deal wi real feelins, even wi ma best pal.

– Ye ken whit, ah could dae wi another beer. Spud spoke fir the first time, an a noticed he wasnae as cheerie as Tommy wis.

– Aye, ah could dae wi another one an aw. Ah beat a hasty retreat intae our, much larger, kitchen.

– Awright catboy, whits goin on. Ah wis gonna give some wisecrack answer when ah noticed how serious Spud wis. Spud wis never serious.

– Whit?

– C’moan Sick Boy, an in that moment ah wis terrified of whit wis comin, – You an Rent Boy, ah need tae know, are yous taegether or no?

– Naw, get tae. Ah could hear ma voice crackin even as ah denied it, ma own body fuckin betrayin me.

– Ahh, Spud wis lookin like he’d jist come tae the conclusion ah didnae want him anywhere near, – So, catboy, whit ye gonna dae tae make it happen?

– Ye whit? Ma heart wis beatin a fuckin tattoo in ma chest an ah could feel ma eyes buggin out.

– Dinnae gimme that shite Si, ah can tell yous are gunnin fir each other. An since yer both daft cunts, I’m gonnae have tae convince at least one ay yous that it’s a good idea likesay.

– Ye think so Spud? Ah wis aware that with that sentence ah hid just laid ma secret bare, ah felt like a child again, lookin tae ma maw an askin whit ah could do tae make ma da less annoyed wi us aw.

– Think? Ah ken so catboy, gae fir it! He wis grinnin at me. He grabbed a bottle from the counter an gave me a last thumbs up before stumblin back tae the chatter.

The way he hid spoken, ah felt like ah could maybe, jist maybe, not fuck it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare.


	7. The First Day Of The Edinburgh Festival

Ah fucked it up.

Ah woke up oan the sofa, alone in the apartment but fir wee Dawn. Naebody hid slept in the king that night, ah couldnae face it after Mark had walked out in a raj last night.

_– Mark, ah jist need tae know, why are ye still here?_

_–  Whit the fuck Si, are ye tryin tae kick me oot? The look oan his face almost made Simon break down, he wanted tae scream ‘ah want you, ah want tae be with you an only you, don’t leave me’._

_He didnae._

Aw this cause I was a daft cunt who couldnae get his heid tae talk tae his mouth. First thing ah did wis call Tommy up an offer tae let him and Lizzy look after Dawn whilst ah got ma heid in order. Ah mean, he wis happy since he wis keen tae use ma daughter tae convince Lizzy havin a kid wouldnae be so bad.

After layin about the apartment, bein reminded of Mark by every little thing I found, ah decided tae head out intae town tae try an clear ma heid. Ah stuck on a pair of jeans and grabbed a ratty blue sweatshirt before headin out intae the street. It wis only as ah stuck the jumper over ma heid did ah realise it was Mark’s. Ah held it up tae ma face and took a deep breath, the smell calmed me even though ah chided mysel on bein weak.

_– Ah care about Dawn just as much as you Simon, Mark wis aw sharp edges an red hot anger._

_– She’s ma daughter Mark-_

_– Oh fuck off Si, yer a selfish bastard, ye ken that right? Simon wanted tae finish his sentence, say that he wanted Mark tae call wee Dawn his daughter an aw, but aw they do,_ _aw they’ve ever done,_ _is fight._

Since the sun wis shinin fir once, ah thought I’d try the Meadows tae lie back oan the grass an have a proper think. It wasnae til ah reached Rose street that ah realised ah had made a big mistake. Turns out I’d forgotten that August wis the month where cunts from aw over the world decided that Edinburgh, fuckin Edinburgh, wis the place tae be.

Still, ah had a goal in ma heid an like fuck ah wis gonnae let a bunch ae hippy bastards on their way tae a show about some ‘totally radical adaption of Romeo and Juliet’, which the creator probably wrote whilst gettin high in their university dorm room, alone, get between me an ma patch ae grass in the fuckin meadows where ah planned tae sit an mope about Mark fuckin Renton.

_– Well good luck fuckin up yer brat then Simon, he wis spitting, face blotchin as he spewed pure venom intae Simon’s heart, – maybe I’ll pass by you in the gutter one aw these days, a needle stuck in yer fuckin veins. Mark slammed the door shut an Simon felt his world crumble along wi it._

_He wanted tae run out, beg him tae stay. Instead, he stood there an greeted like a fuckin bairn. He heard Dawn cryin out fir her da fae her cot, so he held her until they both calmed doon. He tucked her intae bed an aw but collapsed intae the sofa, tears muffled by the pillow he clutched against his face._

Ah shoved through the crowds, daein ma best tae take every possible route ah could that avoided the main streets. The only problem wis that every fuckin pub in the city seemed tae have decided that openin its doors as a fuckin festival venue wis the best possible use aw their time. Ah knew tourists would pay tae much money fir shite but it wis hinderin ma progress tae the point where it took me over an hour tae get tae the fuckin Meadows.

Honestly, one day aw sunshine an the whole ay Edinburgh decides tae get affae their arses and cook themsels on a scrappy patch aw grass in the centre ay town. But, ye ken "you gotta love like naebody's watchin and live like each day's yer last" at least ah think that's what the hippie guy by the disposable Tesco barbecue wis spraffing. Ah turned tae tell Mark as much, obviously taking his philosophy as ma own, when ah remembered he wasnae here wi me.

After another twenty minutes aw walkin, ah found a spot under a blossom tree that had yet tae attract the nutheids that flocked tae the festival. Ah rested ma heid back against the trunk, closin ma eyes tae hae a proper think about ma feelins fir Mark Fuckin Renton.

Memories aw days spent watchin shite videos in our tiny flat, sharin cigerettes an mockin everythin and eyeryin we could. Laughin taegither, sleepin taegither, sharin the same space fir so long we ceased tae be separate people. It wis Sick Boy and Renton against the world, an who wis the world tae get in our way.

Hazy memories aw skag feuled nights drifted tae mind when ah thought ay Mark. The day aw our first hit, taegither as aways. Mark had taken it first, me followin suit. Mark’s blood wis in ma veins, pumpin round ma heart.

Sometimes, when we’d get tae fucked tae leave our flat, we’d make do wi what we had. Fuzzy memories aw kissing Mark suddenly surfaced, an ah brought ma heid down intae ma hands, thinkin of chapped lips desperately brushin ma own after a hit so good we couldnae keep it tae ourselves.

Ah’d everythin, an ah lost it aw cause ah couldnae confront wit ah felt. Ah loved Mark Renton, and now ah’d lost him.

Ah blinked open ma eyes and noticed wet patches oan ma palms. Ah angrily scrubbed at ma face, cursin masel fir bein weak. Ah noticed a group aw hippy flower cunts lookin at me aw worried like. Ah flipped them aff an got up tae leave. Ah realised ah must look a right state, red rimmed eyes an a pastel sweater probably made me look like a right twat. Ah decided tae head back tae the apartment, since some mariachi band hid decided tae set up shop right next tae ma tree.

Oan the way ah decided tae stop and pick up a packet aw fags from the newsagent along the George IV Bridge. Ah knew as soon as ah entered the shop, ah’d made a terrible descision. There wis an american tourist an his wife badgerin the lad behind the counter fir wit seemed tae be information on every fuckin landmark in the city, an a whale of a bloke hid jist walked in after me, effectively pinnin me inside the shop until such a time that ah could reach the till an escape.

Ah moved up behind the couple, ma nerves startin tae give me the shakes as ah stared at the rows aw cigarette packets lined up behind the counter. Ah thought it wis awmost over, the couple finally payin fir their shite, when in walks another american couple who fir some reason seem tae ken the other two.

– Fucksake.

– Have you got a problem, sir? One of the American tourists had turned around and wis starin me down like he wasnae wearin a fanny pack, hawiaan shirt an straw hat. Ah wis briefly tempted tae punch him straight oan his stupit glasses but after last night an ma moment ae weakness fae earlier oan, ah wis tae tired tae get intae a fight.

– Nah mate, ah wis wrackin ma brains tryin tae think of a believable excuse – Ah cannae find ma wallet, ah meant no disrespects. Ah put oan ma best charmin smile an hoped ma scottish wiles would stop me fae havin tae beat down this speckled tourist in front aw his wife an mates.

– Ok then, thank you for your help. I hope you find your wallet mister, have a nice day. The second bit was aimed at me as they took their purchases and left the building.

– Nice one mate, ah wis ready tae punch his fuckin lights out.

– You an me both, the lad behind the till and the overweight guy behind me laughed an it gave ye a rush only findin other scots unwillingly caught up in the festival could. The lad even slipped an extra pack of fags intae ma bag wi a wink. Ah’d grabbed some extra stuff an aw whilst ah’d been waitin fir the fuckin tourists tae get oan wi it. We’d been runnin low oan milk an ah kenned tonight wis probably gonna be tough an ah wis gonnae need somethin sweet.

Ah gave a two fingered salute tae the guys in the shop before headin home. After leavin the apartment at one, ah arrived back at awmost five. Wit ah had originally planned tae be an hour long round trip tae the Meadows an back had proved tae be a crusade of biblical proportions an ah wis knackered by the time ah dragged mysel up the stairs tae ma door.

A door that ah couldnae reach due to it bein blocked by Mark Renton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The next, and final, chapter is still being written and so if you don't see it on Wednesday it will be out next Sunday.  
> Comments mean so much and I missed your feedback last chapter!


	8. Time Lapsed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choose confrontation. Choose memories. Choose life.

Mark scrambled tae his feet and aw ah could dae wis stare. He looked good, damn the bastard. Ah didnae ken why aw the lassies at clubs didnae seem tae be interested in him, maybe he’s only attractive tae guys or somethin. The bush baby eyes an the tantalisinglly pale strip ay skin between his stupit grey jeans an his too-small-tshirt aw combined tae make one irresistible wanker.

Ah realised he hid said somethin whilst ah wis standin, gawkin at him like a schoolgirl wi a crush.

– Whit ye oan aboot Mark?

– Ah jist want tae talk Si, he wis pleadin wi me, his eyes aw big an round like he used tae make em when he wis tryin tae score another hit wi nae cash. Ah wis always swayed but ah had learnt that givin Mark everythin he wants ain’t always the best plan.

– Whits that then? Ah nodded tae a plastic bag that wis lyin oan the ground next tae where he’s been sittin.

– Aye well, he wis shufflin aboot now, nervous – Ah got the film developed…?, he lifted up the bag an ah could now see the Boots brandin an whit seemed tae be a dozen or more photo envelopes. He fumbled around an pulled out a printed photo an handed it tae me, his hand shakin, ah wondered if it wis fae drugs or pure nervousness. Ah made sure not tae touch any part of him, memories of last night were still tae fresh fir me tae firgive him yet.

The photo wis of the first night ah got Dawn home. Ah wis asleep an so wis she, lyin oan my chest, peaceful as anythin. It took a strong sense ay will tae stop me greetin in ma own stairwell. Ah pushed past Mark and unlocked the door, leavin it open as ah headed tae the kitchen tae pour mysel a drink.

– Ah went tae the chemists tae get the photos aw done up, Mark wis holdin another photo, smiling a sad sorta smile before lookin up at me, – ah think we need tae talk Simon.

Ah kent that he meant it, he only called me Simon when he wis serious. Ah didnae trust ma own mouth at the moment, no after whit happened last night, so ah jist nodded an took a long drink ae bucky. Ah had forgot tae stick the dishwasher oan so all ah had left tae drink fae wis a Sports Direct mug. A strange thing since ah kent naebody who’d worked there an ah didnae remember when it even appeared.

– Ah think… Ahm no sure how… Ah… Can we sit? Mark wis gettin antsy, he wis runnin his hand o’er his head like he wanted tae tear aff his own skin. Ah couldnae help but get distracted by the way his newly grown out hair became aw mussed, thinkin about how else-

– Si? Ah snapped out of ma daze an made a dash fir the armchair, leavin Mark the sofa. Ah dinnae ken how ah would cope sittin next tae the bloke at this time, ah’d either punch him or kiss him.

– Ah ken walkin oot last night wis stupit, Mark sat doon and dumped the bag on the coffee table, lettin the photos slip out ontae the surface. One slipped tae the floor an ah picked it up. – Ah jist didnae get why you wis actin so weird about me stayin here.

Ah turned the photo over.

– Ah jist dinnae understand Si, dae ye no want me is Dawn’s life? Dae ye want me tae go? Will ye jist fuckin say somethin Simon!

Ah said nothin, ma hands crinklin the edge ay the paper an ah found mysel startin tae tremble. The photo wis the moment Dawn had called me her Da fir the first time, ah looked a mess but she wis smilin up at me an ma face wis only full aw love fir the wee yin. Fir ma daughter.

– Ah dinnae ken why ah even try wi you Simon! Mark had got up an wis ragin at me, his face had gone aw blotchy red as he yelled. – Why can’t ye just tell me ye don’t want me, why the fuck are ye so quiet Si?

– Cause ah love you.

Ma voice wis quiet, shakin slightly oan the ‘love’ as the tears ah hid been holdin back rolled doon ma cheeks in a silent flood.

– Ye whit? Aw the rage hid drained fae Mark like a popped balloon. Lookin at his pealy face made me feel angry, ah had jist told him ma biggest secret an aw he could dae wis sit in shock? Ah wanted tae laugh at the stupidity ay it aw, ah wis Simon Fuckin Williamson, who would hae thought ah would be the bastard tae stun Mark Renton wi a whisper. Well, in fir a penny in fir a pound or whitever those daft cunts doon at the pub say after bingo.

– Ah said, ye daft cunt, that ah love ye. Ah tried tae put oan some of ma Sick Boy charm, an air of utter confidence tae mask the fact ah wis shitin mysel.

– Ye better no be fuckin me around Simon. The look oan Mark’s face wis equal parts terrified an angry. Ah saw a tear slip oot fae his eye an roll doon across his lips.

– Fuckin ye around? Yeah right. Ah wis standin now an aw, squarin up tae Mark, darin him tae make the next move. Fir a moment we were frozen, neither movin, no sayin a word. Then, Mark swayed befir grabbin ma heid wi both hands an practically slammin our faces taegither. After a few moments, he pulled back an rested his forheid against mine.

– How the actual fuck did ye ever get laid? His technique wis shite but ah wis still awmost breathless jist fae the contact.

– Fuck you Si- before he could pull away fully ah wis bringin him closer, one arm around his waist, my other hand cradlin his jaw.

– Shut up, ah practically growled at him, – Let me show you how it’s really done, Rent Boy.

Ah breathed o’er his lips an pressed mine ever so gently to his. Ah felt him melt intae me, his body flush wi mine, ah took a second tae smile smugly before leanin back in and deepening the kiss. Ah finally got tae rake ma hand through his hair, tanglin ma fingers an tuggin oan the ginger locks. Mark pulled back fae the kiss wi a gasp that turned quickly intae a moan as ah moved ma lips down tae suck an bite a mark oan the exposed skin at the junction of his shoulder an neck. 

Ah licked up tae his jugular, leavin red patches along the way that would soon become livid purple bruises, befir meetin his mouth once again in a heated kiss, tinged wi an edge of desperation fae Mark. He always wis an impatient bastard.

– Ye know, ah’ve spilt ma heart tae you today, Mark moaned as ah pulled back tae paw at the front aw his restrictively tight jeans, – Ye havenae telt me anythin in return. Mark wis pantin ma name an let out a frustrated moan as ah moved ma hand away, his heid fallin ontae ma shoulder.

– Whit wis that Renton? Yer gonnae have tae speak up if ye want more.

– Ah said, Mark let out a ragged breath tae try an stahp his voice fae soundin so thready, it didnae help. – Ah said… Ah love ye Si… Loved ye since we were 14… Gawd Si, please.

Ah grabbed at Marks face an kissed him, it wis that or start bawlin like a bairn. Ah Moved Mark back until his knees buckled at the edge ay the sofa, ah knelt down in front ay him an shoved his t-shirt up. He wis still in focus enough tae understand tae take it aff, this wis the main difference in this type ay encounter, fir once we were both aware ay what we were daein, of why we were daein it.

Ah started tae lick an kiss ma way down his chest, markin him as mine. Ah unbuttoned his jeans an moved the zipper down, makin eye contact throughout before-

The phone rang. An jist like that the trance wis broken, ah rested ma heid against his thigh an let out a slightly hysterical laugh befir gettin up tae grab the landline fae the kitchen.

– Come oan Si, can ye jist tell whaever it is tae fuck aff an leave us in peace? Ah’m dyin here Si.

– Quit yer whinin, ah picked up the phone an tried tae compose ma voice tae no sound like ah’d been aboot tae suck off ma best mate.

– Hey Sick Boy?

– Aye, it’s me Tommy, is Dawn awright? Ah wis instantly panicked, Tommy was supposed tae have Dawn til tomorrow an if he wis phonin it could only be bad news, right?

– Dinnae worry the bairn’s fine, ah wis jist wonderin if ye would be fine tae pick her up?

– Is Dawn awright? Mark hid wandered through, ah looked him up an down hungrily. His hair wis mussed an he hadnae bothered tae put oan a shirt or button up his jeans. He looked like sex personified an ah awmost forgot whit ah wis talkin tae Tommy about. – Si?

– Dawn’s fine, he jist wants me tae pick her up.

– Is that Mark? Tommy wis speakin again, – You two have make-up sex then?

– We would be if ye wernae interruptin us. Actually we’d be daein it fir the first time despite whit you’ve convinced yersel of.

– Ah shite mate, ah’m sorry.

– Nevermind, whit wis this about pickin Dawn up?

– Ah well, Lizzy an me, we’ve been talkin an, well, let’s say ah think Dawn has helped convince Lizzy tae get it oan without the johnnies.

– Why’s lizzy been fuckin wi johnnies oan? Seems pointless tae me.

– Fuck aff Sick Boy. If yer wantin tae fuck Renton then jist leave Dawn here.

– An let her be subjected tae yer borin as fuck sex life? Ah think not, She’s ma daughter an ah’m no lettin her die in a cot cause you were aff tryin tae make yer own babies in fuckin missionary!

– Si-

– Nah, we’ll be over in thirty so keep it in yer pants til then.

– Later Simon

– Aye, later.

Ah ended the call an placed it back oantae the holder, turnin tae face Mark who wis still loungin oan the door frame.

– So Dawn’s comin back tonight?

– Aye.

– Tommy lives ten minutes away.

– Aye, he does.

– You told him half an hour.

– Aye, ah did. We grinned at each other, – Better get tae it then lover boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go! This story is now fully resolved plot wise but if I find time/am inspired to write more, I will certainly consider extending this work with some oneshots/smaller chaptered fics that explore their future and domestic moments not included here.
> 
> If you have any requests please comment or message me through my tumblr [Magnvs-Baen](http://magnvs-baen.tumblr.com/). I wont make any promises but I'd love to hear from you about any scenes you'd love to see or just comments on this fic at all!
> 
> So for the final time, thank you guys for reading and I hope you enjoyed this idea as much as I did creating it. x


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